In a paper-writing frenzy tonight, I had to desperately drink several cups of coffee to keep me focused. I spent several minutes trying to think what substance would give me a superhuman attention span, & since I'm not one of those addy-popping fiends, I decided coffee was my safest bet. Safe? In moderate amounts, maybe. But since my day totals about 72 ounces of coffee, I might actually have to have my stomach pumped. I was working my way into a caffeine coma when my bladder shifted into high gear; I've frequented the loo about seven times in the past hour. Look, it's rough being an addict. You probably think that, next, I'm going to discourage kids from drinking coffee. On the contrary, coffee still has my full backing & I encourage all kids to drink it black.